Me: I’m home!
She: Good. I finished painting the bathroom cabinet doors this afternoon. Can you put them back up for me?
(Note: Small bathroom. Room for me and the stepladder. No one else. Leftmost door hinges are two inches from the wall. Tricky. I shut the door because otherwise I can’t reach the cabinets)
Me: (grunting incoherently as I wrestle the first door into place)
She: (on the other side of the door) Can I help?
Me: Not unless you can reach through walls.
She: Ha ha.
Me: (More incoherent grunting.)
She: I’ve been thinking about the two shower curtains, trying to decide. Remember?
Me: (Grunt, wrestle, trying to think also) Umm… The owl and the bird?
She: Yeah. I’m leaning toward the owl.
Me: (dangerously leaning toward falling). Uh huh.
She: What do you think?
Me: (Now an incoherent mumble, because I’m trying to hold wood screws in my mouth while lining up one hinge).
She: What was that?
Me: (Thinking that this isn’t a good time to be discussing decor, keeping such thoughts to myself). Jus…minute.
She: The bird and tree pattern is a bit busy, don’t you think?
Me: (More than a bit busy myself). Yes.
She: You’re just saying that because I like the owl better, aren’t you?
Me: (Now sweating profusely and trying not to drop screwdriver). No….
She: I’m not sure about the brown, though.
Me: (In slight triumph as the last screw goes into place, but the door isn’t fitting right). What the…Oh, hell….
She: What is it?
Me: (Muttering) Idiot!
She: You better not be talking to me.
Me: (sighs) No, I’m talking to ME.
She: What did you do?
Me: I’d rather not say.
She: You hung the door upside down, didn’t you?
Me: I SAID I’d rather not say.
She: It goes the other way.
Me: (Now taking all the screws back out). Right.
She: Still five doors to go, then.
Me: [Expletive string deleted]
She: (walks away, giggling)
Me: I’m home!