Scenes From a Marriage #6

Husband wanders through the living room on his way out to the garage. Wife, watching tv.

SHE:  Damn!
HE:  What?
SHE:  I just wanted to relax for a bit, but everything is in commercial!
HE:  I think they time it that way on purpose.
SHE:  Thank god for the shopping channels.
HE (blinking):  The shopping channels?
SHE:  Yes. They’re almost never in commercial.
HE:  Ummm…they’re shopping channels.
SHE:  What’s your point?
HE:  Well, I mean, aren’t they always trying to sell you something? So aren’t they, by definition, always “in commercial”?
SHE (frostily):  It’s not the same thing at all.
HE:  It isn’t?
SHE:  No! They’re making things available that might interest me. There are things there that I usually don’t see elsewhere. Besides—it’s shopping!
HE (and you just knew he was going to, didn’t you?):  But it’s buying things you found out about on tv! How is that not a commercial?
SHE:  You’re such a … man! Aand you don’t understand anything!
HE: …..

(And everything goes downhill from there.)

MUSE (Still dressed like a rocker chick. Interrupting): Liar.
HE: Wait a minute. How did you get in here?
MUSE: I’m always here, you twit.
HE: Oh, right. I forgot.
MUSE: “You forgot”? And I suppose you also forgot just how long you’ve been married?
HE: No, I haven’t.
MUSE:  How long, then?
HE (sighs): Thirty-five years.
MUSE: Right, then. So tell them what really happened.
HE: Okay, fine. We’ll pick it up from about here….

SHE: Thank god for the shopping channels.
HE (blinking): The shopping channels?
SHE: Yes. They’re almost never in commercial.
HE: Right… I’m going out into the garage now. I’ve got to sand something.
SHE: Okay. Love you.
HE: Love you too.  (exeunts)

You want to know how to stay married for thirty-five years? Sure, open communication is crucial, but sometimes what’s even more crucial is knowing when to STFU.