Muse and Writer Dialogues #8

Fade In: It’s the library. Same old furnishings, same old computer desk and chair. WRITER is sitting in the chair, staring at a computer screen. Enter the MUSE, at the moment looking a bit like a cross between Annie Wilson and Pat Benatar.


MUSE: All right, time to work on your scales…wait. What are you doing?

WRITER: What does it look like?

MUSE: It looks like you’re writing.

WRITER: Good. That’s what I thought, too, but you can never tell about these things.

MUSE: Aren’t you a musician now?

WRITER: Puh-lease. When I can improv riffs off a major or minor pentatonic scale, then I’ll call myself a musician. When I can play “Sweet Home Alabama” and it actually sounds like “Sweet Home Alabama,” I’ll call myself a musician. Not before.

MUSE: I thought you’d given up writing for guitar.

WRITER: Haven’t given up writing. Haven’t given up guitar, either, and I’ve got a scheduled practice session coming. Only now, it’s time to write. Which is what I was doing before you interrupted me.


MUSE undergoes a quick costume change. Now she looks much more like a Greek goddess than a rocker chick.


MUSE: Would you kindly pick one thing or another? This is making me dizzy.

WRITER: Sorry, really, but I can’t do that. Since when have I been able to do one thing to the exclusion of anything else I wanted to do? I’m a self-centered, capricious creature at heart. You know that.

MUSE: Yeah, but I was hoping you’d forgotten.

WRITER: It’s a tough job. I don’t envy you. By the way, there have been some developments, just in case your attention has been elsewhere—the new book is selling really well.

MUSE: That’s nice, but so? That’s already written. Doesn’t involve me.

WRITER: No, but the next one will. As soon as I finish this story which absolutely no one is waiting for.

MUSE: I can’t help you with that last part. But…a new one? I’ll see what I can do. But just so you know—I’m keeping the rocker chick outfit.

WRITER: Good. I still can’t make a decent F major.

MUSE: Then practice it. In the meantime, just substitute a D minor instead. It’s the relative minor for that chord.

WRITER: Relative minor?

MUSE (sighs): We have a looong way to go, don’t we?