Category Archives: real life

No Award

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WRITING 02

First, let me get one thing out of the way up front–no one does or should care what I think about the Hugo Awards, m’kay? Any interest I have in the subject has more to do with my awareness of the history and traditions of science fiction as a genre than anything that connects to me personally. I’ve attended exactly one Worldcon, and that was San Antonio in 1997. I haven’t been to a convention of any sort since World Fantasy Con in Austin, 2006. I’ve enjoyed most of the ones I’ve attended, but time and the expense of traveling have kept me from being a regular at such things. All by way of saying that I have readers—and bless you all—but no profile or presence in sf fandom to speak of. This is not a complaint; it’s just the reality of the situation, so when I say that I have no emotional investment in who does or doesn’t win a Hugo, it’s mostly true. Yes, when a friend of mine is up for one, then of course I want them to win. Simple human nature, that. None of which stops me from having an opinion, just that no one should care about the fact that I do even if I feel compelled to share it. You have been warned.

This year, a group with a political agenda attempted to game the system, with block voting for a slate of “approved” works. If you don’t already know about this and you’re curious, just do a web search on “Hugo Awards” plus “2015” and “controversy”  and you’ll find out probably more than you ever wanted to know. I’m certainly not going into it here. It’s not the first time someone tried to game the system. It’s most likely not going to be the last. For whatever it’s worth, I’m glad the attempt failed, partly because it was extremely wrong-headed, but also because I want any such attempt to fail, no matter who is doing it or why. I’m just idealistic enough to consider that important. Continue reading →

Hapless Penpusher and the Green-Eyed Monster

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FairyGreenHairIt’ll happen. Doesn’t matter how centered and zen you think you are, or how much you pride yourself on keeping everything about the work and not your ego. Doesn’t matter how proud you are of your accomplishments, or how much time and energy you’ve given to your work. Also doesn’t matter how good you know you are, deep down. Sooner or later, it will happen. Some writer you’ve barely heard of will win a major award in the field and the “best thing I’ve ever written” didn’t even get nominated. The “buzz” will be about someone else. Someone you perceive to be not even at your level will get a movie or TV option, a foreign sale, an interview, a starred review, or whatever, and there it is. Maybe it’s there just for a second, maybe for days, but it’ll be there. “It” being, and say it with me now–jealousy.

Congratulations or condolences, depending on your point of view—you’re human.

So what now? Sulking over the reminder yet again that “life isn’t fair”? Suit yourself, but you do realize that’s a waste of an epic sulk. Would you sulk at the idea that rain is wet? Makes just about as much sense, and is at least as useless.

If you think this is going to be a pep talk about channeling that negative emotion into something positive, nah. There are entire books for that, so go find one if you think you need it. Likely you’ll find motivation to work even harder, to channel your negative feelings into art. To completely miss the point. Jealousy is about your perceived relationship with other writers in your chosen field. If you’re reacting to that, then you’ve made it into a competition. Once that happens you’ll think you’ve transcended your jealousy when all you’ve really done is put it in charge. Jealousy is calling the shots now, informing both your development and outlook. It’s not gone, it’s just gotten so big and ubiquitous that you can’t even see it. If you get to that point, then there will always be someone doing a little better, someone getting a little more attention, and however well you’re doing or whatever wonderful things are happening for you, it’ll never be enough.

So I’m not that big a believer in self-help. I believe in self-awareness. Jealousy is natural. Envy is natural. You’re going to feel those emotions at some point, however mildly or intensely. What matters is what you do about it. For what it’s worth, I’ve only found one thing that always works—you look straight into the eyes of that green-eyed monster, and understand who is looking back at you. Here’s a hint—it’s not someone else. So it’s not really about them, is it? Someone else getting nominated for an award didn’t take that honor from you. Someone having more readers than you do isn’t taking readers away from you. Stare the monster down, and it goes away. For a while. It’ll be back, and so what? There’s nothing it can do to you, unless you let it. Until then, just keep doing your work the best way you know how. Learn from others when you can, but then make what you learn your own. Because, at least where your own work is concerned, it really is all about you.

Jealousy has no place there.

On Receiving Compliments—Plus an Update

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Powers-Shadow-Rough-3I received an actual fan email last week, which is a pretty rare occurrence (You thought we led lives of constant or even regular adulation? Yeah, I know. No one thinks that. Or at least not for long). This was on Yamada Monogatari: To Break the Demon Gate, and came from a nice lady who teaches Japanese, has a grounding in the history and knows the culture, so I was doubly gratified, but even that lovely ego boost had to take second place to the compliment First Reader (Carol) paid me when she finished the first pass edit of Power’s Shadow:

 

 

This is a complete paraphrase, just so you know. My memory’s accuracy is not 100 % guaranteed. But this is the gist:

She: (Looking up from the last page of the manuscript) You know, you’re really evil sometimes.
Me: I’ll take that as a compliment.
She: That’s how I meant it.

That was rather the reaction I was hoping for, so from that standpoint, I think Power’s Shadow (#3 in the Laws of Power series) is a success. I’ve started on the rewrite, so it shouldn’t be too much longer before it’s finally available. I do know it’s taken a while. We have, as I’ve already mentioned, been sprucing up our house to put it on the market, so neither of us has had much time to do much of anything except paint and pack up for the last two months. We can finally see some daylight, and once I’ve got the rewrite finished I’ll turn it into a Kindle and Nook ebook soonest. And then I can finally get back to Yamada Monogatari: The Emperor in Shadow, which is honestly and truly begun, but nowhere near being finished. One thing at a time.

Deja Vu All Over Again

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Faulkner-Wall-NotesSome thoughts triggered by the Nightshade Books edition of the collected letters/correspondence between H.P. Lovecraft and Donald Wandrei, and something aside from HPL’s questionable attitudes for the moment. Rather, this is about something we share as writers.  Now, it’s true that modern sf/f/mystery writers sometimes lament the passing of the old “glory days” of the pulps. We imagine a sort of golden age when people read instead of playing video games or zoning in front of the television, and there were literally hundreds of potential markets. We conjure by those ancient tomes: Weird Tales, Argosy, Amazing Stories, Black Cat, et many a cetera. While the pay wasn’t great except in the slicks, a person with a good work ethic could make a decent living writing short stories and novel serials and little else. And, I admit it, I’ve been guilty of looking backward with rose-tinted glasses myself, even though I know making that living required soul-crushing hackdom and turning out product by the ream. It’s nostalgia for a time I never knew and thus tends to ignore all the horrific truths of living in that time; it’s not supposed to be accurate.

Still, sometimes a little reality is a good thing, and while reading these letters now the thing that strikes me most–at least so far as it concerns the writing life–is how little short story publishing has really changed since 1927. Back then they were wondering why the editor bought this story instead of that one, bemoaning the absence of editorial judgment, bitching about late payments and the lack of good markets, and wondering if that last rejected story really did get all the way to the editor or was bounced by some nameless and clueless summer intern. Heck, I see the same conversation on writers forums every week. If anything is different it’s the ease and ubiquity of self-publishing, and the fact that doing it yourself sometimes even makes sense. Not always, no, but sometimes.  Yet back then there were likewise arguments for it, but it was a lot harder to do and a great deal more expensive. So in that way, perhaps, things really have changed. Everything else? Not so much.

You Didn’t Tell Me There Was Gonna Be a Test

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Cover Art (c) 1979 by Tim Hammell

Cover Art (c) 1979 by Tim Hammell

Well, okay, I’m not grading this. I’ve talked before about the magazines that have come and gone, but today I started in on some of my files in preparation for moving, and I’m turning up things even I’d forgotten about. How many of you have heard of a magazine called The Twilight Zone? Maybe a few of you, since the TV show will likely appear in re-runs until the heat death of the universe and there was a well-regarded print magazine (redundant at the time. ALL magazines were print) dedicated to publishing TZ-esque stories. In theory. In reality it published dark fantasy of many types. It was a good magazine, I read it and hoped to write for it one day, but it ended before that happened.

Well, I can get a lot more obscure than that. How about Shayol? No? Perhaps Myrddin? Anyone? Bueller? Prelude to Fantasy? Eldritch Tales? Fantasy Macabre? Fantasy Book? Copper Toadstool? Weirdbook? Maybe a few more on that last, since it’s been recently revived, or at least is going through the process. These were all small press fantasy/sf magazines that existed back when producing a magazine meant printing and distributing a magazine. It was expensive, and most didn’t last any longer than the publisher’s money and enthusiasm. Quality of the package ranged from saddle stapled with typewriter typography to typeset and perfect bound, usually with b/w line illustrations, but sometimes full color.

They’re like little time capsules, many of them. At a time when there weren’t that many outlets for fantasy writers/artists especially, people flocked to magazines like this. Which is why you’ll find names like Charles de Lint, Steve Eng, Tom Reamy, Pat Cadigan, and Brad Foster among the names on the contents pages. Right there along with people you’ve never heard of, and likely never will hear of, but that was the thing—everyone, from publisher to writer, to artist, was participating, creating, strictly for the love of the form, because nobody was making any money.

One or two even had someone named Richard Parks. Sometimes I wonder whatever happened to that guy. Regardless, I’ve been doing purges because anything I don’t get rid of, I have to move. And that is a hassle. I likely will be tossing a lot of rough drafts and ephemera, but most of these old zines? Yeah, I’m keeping them. There are some things, some ideas and ideals, you just can’t—and shouldn’t—let go of.