Muse and Writer Dialogues #7

Epi Les Paul Special IIFade In: It’s the library. Same old furnishings, same old computer desk and chair. Only the chair has been modified to remove the arm rests. WRITER is sitting in chair, and he is not writing. Enter the MUSE, doing a passable imitation of Pallas Athena. She even has the spear, shield, and helmet. The spear is pointed with alarming accuracy at the middle of Writer’s back.

MUSE: Mind telling me what you’re doing?

(A twang reverberates through the library. If one was feeling generous, one might call it a C major chord. But only if.)

WRITER: Practicing.

MUSE: What do you mean, practicing? That’s a guitar!

WRITER: Well spotted.

MUSE: We’ll talk about your use of idiom later, but it’s obvious you’ve been watching too much Harry Potter lately.

WRITER: You’re one to talk. Who got me started using the term “barking mad” for people who are, well, barking mad?

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Meditations in Metalwork – AKA Follow Your Bliss(es)

For those who don’t know, the closest thing to a hobby I have is repairing the mountings or fabricating new ones for old Japanese swords. One thing about those swords was that they were hand-forged by different smiths following different schools and traditions, and using a special form of iron created in batches that also varied from year to year. In short, you’d be hard pressed to find two blades exactly alike, even though they both might be made by the same smith. As a result, blade collars (habaki), scabbards (saya), hilts(tsuka), etc, were all custom made to fit the blade they were to be used on. Traditionally, each was created by a specialist (and sub-specialist. The person who created the scabbard was probably not the same person who did the  lacquer finish. Different specialty). In practice, I don’t have access to any of those specialists, so anything I need that requires a precise fit I will have to make myself. If I don’t have the skill, I have to acquire it.

 For anyone still reading this (whose eyes haven’t glazed over), there’s actually a connection between this wild hare of mine and the writing.  In fact, to call it a connection is to understate the case. They’re part of the same thing and there’s really no separating them.

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Scenes From a Marriage #4

Tax Time. The library undergoes its annual transformation from library/office to office/office. The computer is showing spreadsheets, not manuscripts or YouTube. Papers are being collected. It is during this “discovery phase” that a Certain Object arises to the light of day.

She: What is this?

Me: Ummmm…candy?
She (holding up Certain Object): Candy? CANDY??? This is CHOCOLATE.

Me: You’re right. Did you find the receipt for the ink while you were—

She: Don’t change the subject!

Me (frowning): I thought the subject was taxes.

She: The trivial stuff can wait. We’re dealing with this now.

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Handy Man is…Doing the Best He Can

I took a personal day yesterday to work on a plumbing problem, and do the taxes. I think the taxes were easier, and I worked on those for about seven hours straight.

I often have to pretend, but the truth is that I just don’t have the DIY gene. I do have a nail gun. And a table saw. Only someone who grew up with me can fully appreciate what a scary thought that is. See, I was raised in a family where DIY was not a lifestyle choice but an absolute necessity. If you couldn’t buy it, you built it yourself.  If you couldn’t build it yourself, you did without it. If it broke, you fixed it. There were exceptions but not many, and this covered everything from military surplus jeeps to jon boats, from garages to storage sheds and workshops. 

My maternal grandfather and uncle were simply amazing. If, for whatever reason, they had decided that they needed a high-energy particle accelerator, by damn they’d have built a high-energy particle accelerator, and likely did it with whatever scrap happened to be handy.  Ok, maybe I’m exaggerating, but not by as much as you might think.  All by way of saying that, whatever that gene is that they had in abundance, they didn’t leave any for me. I am, no other word for it, a klutz.  I learned how to do a few things with great difficulty, but as a general rule I wasn’t allowed near power tools, and it was a wise policy. Carol, otoh, thinks I can do anything. I’ve replaced light fixtures and fencing, installed ceiling fans and laminate flooring, built retaining walls and box lids. Basic stuff. Once she wanted a rose arbor, so I designed and built one.  It was ok. It even stood up to the elements for several years. She thought it was great.

All I could think was that, if either my grandfather or uncle saw it, they would laugh themselves silly. And yet I consder, could either of them write a story? Novel? I don’t think so. So whatever gene I did get, I’ll take it. And make do for the rest.