In-Depth Interview Fail

I’ve decided that I want to interview me. Because, to be blunt, there were things I’ve always wanted to know about me, but I’d never asked. 

Question: Where were you born?

Answer: Newton, Mississippi, Newton County Hospital. The hospital no longer exists. Newton, last time I checked, does.

Question: Where did you go to HS?

Answer: Hickory High School. It also no longer exists. Probably for the best.

Question: College?

Answer: Copiah-Lincoln Jr. College, University of Southern Mississippi, and Mississippi College. I have undergraduate degrees in Polymer Science and Math and Computing Science. I have no idea why.

Question: Enough biographical background that no one cares about, but we interviewers just ask to be polite. Can I ask something serious now?

Answer: Go for it.

Question: What was your first published story?

Answer: It’s in the bibliography. Honestly, do you guys even know who you’re interviewing?

Question: That tends to cloud our judgment. I like to keep an open mind. What about you?

Answer: Like a steel sieve.

Question: What’s your personal philosophy? Are you a Determinist?

Answer: I haven’t determined that yet.

Question: Fair Enough. Boxers or briefs?

Answer: The Boxer Rebellion was fairly brief, yes.

Question: You really are a silly git, aren’t you?

Answer: That’s the first intelligent question I’ve heard today. Would you like to try for two?

Question: I’m asking the questions here. You’re written a series of stories about a ghost hunter. Do you really believe in ghosts?

Answer: Yes.

Question: Why?

Answer: Mostly because it annoys the Baptists.

Question: Weren’t you raised Baptist?

Answer: My point.

Question: OOO-kay. Moving on. What are your current religious beliefs?

Answer: I firmly believe that this is no one’s business but mine and any deities involved.

Question: You’re not being co-operative.

Answer: I’m sorry, but you forgot to phrase that in the form of a question. I’ll take “Bored Audience” for a thousand, Alex.

Question: Do I look like a game show host?

Answer: Yes. Sorry.


Clearly, I suck at this, but if anyone has any actual questions, I’ll be glad to answer them. Or not, as the whim takes me. Otherwise, I’ll be spending some quality time with the Complacence Fairy.