I Can Do That, or “How is a Writer Like a Guitar Player?”

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As I’ve mentioned here before, I’m a beginning guitar player. But there’s an aspect of this musical adventure that I haven’t mentioned before, and I do think this simple fact needs to be acknowledged—as a guitar player, I suck. A reader might be forgiven at this point for observing the obvious—“You’re a beginner. Of course you suck.” Sorry, no, it goes far beyond lack of practice and experience. While I’ve always loved music, I discovered early on that I have little natural aptitude for making it. If there’s a musical gene, it does not run in my family and I for sure don’t have it. Yet here I am taking up guitar and massacring “Smoke on the Water” like any beginning fourteen year old (and yes, they still do). Only, of course, I’m a looong way from fourteen, when such things might be considered part of the normal course of events. There’s nothing normal or natural about what I’m doing. So why am I doing it?

Because I’m a writer. Continue reading →

Wonder if He Got to Hear the Speech?

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 It seems a William Park(e)s was an archer in the contingent of Edward, Duke of York during two of Henry V’s French Adventures. That’s right. Two. Meaning he must have survived the first one, then went back.  I mean, sure, that was interesting to know, but then I went to the San Antonio Worldcon back in 1997 and discovered that there was also a William Parks at the Alamo.

Before now I only had my own example to go by, but now it occurs to me that common sense just may not run in this family.

Going, Going, Gone

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Three days ago, Amazon listed two copies of The Heavenly Fox for $19 each direct from them. As of yesterday there are still two listed, only one’s listed new at $197 and the other is listed used and priced at $99. Yeah, good luck getting those prices, but it does demonstrate something I was rather anticipating—The Heavenly Fox has sold out it in both published states. There was a 100 copy signed, numbered and DJ’d run, which sold out several months ago. I checked with the publisher and, sure enough, the second, unsigned state has also sold out. Since both were limited runs I’m not too surprised. I’m just glad it didn’t take longer.

I’ll know in a few days who it lost the Mythopoeic Award to, but in the meantime I’m getting used to the fact that, for the first time in about five years, I don’t have a single book in print at PS Publishing. Good thing the Yamada novel is coming out from them next year.

Your Prose Sings. Too Bad Your Audience is Tone Deaf.

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Having been subjected to all the fuss about Stephenie Meyer’s TWILIGHT series, I managed to pick up a copy and read a few paragraphs. Stephen King was right–she can’t write for beans: Her prose doesn’t sing, it mumbles. Clumsy phrasing, line after line of words that weren’t incorrect, but worse—they were wrong. Terrible stuff.

That’s it; I’m done. My slagging on Meyer’s prose is now officially over. This is not a plucking of sour grapes because Meyer’s gotten rich on stuff I wouldn’t read if you paid me. It’s not about her or even the crass commercial (I.E. Trying to Survive) publishers. This is about you. Not everyone who reads this blog is a writer, but some are. Most if not all of you would be horrified to think that someone will read something you’ve written and have the same reaction to your work that I did to Stephenie Meyer’s.

So why do you care? Probably for the same reason Stephenie Meyer likely does, and I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt here, because—outside of a few pranks pulled on PA and the Bulwer Lytton contest–I’ve never heard of anyone who deliberately set out to write badly. Continue reading →

Scenes From a Marriage #5

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Mrs. Ogre comes home to find me having a philosophical disagreement with the radio.

She: Who were you talking to?

Me: A comic on the radio. I had a disagreement with something I heard.

She: He can’t hear you. Besides, why listen to the comedy channel if you’re going to get upset?

Me: I always listen to the comedy channels when I’m balancing the checkbook. It helps.

She: Helps how?

Me: Reminds me that there is, somewhere, some joy in the world.

She: Just not in our finances. I did notice that you are not smiling.

Me: Not smiling, no.

She: Then it’s not working, is it?

Me: Sure it is.

She: How?

Me: The checkbook balanced.

She: Wouldn’t it have done that no matter what you were listening to?

Me: Sure.

She: Then why comedy?

Me: I said it would have balanced either way, but comedy is what tells me to believe it when it happens.